I love you I cannot
by BrazenFerlie
Summary: “Obi-wan, why shouldn’t I understand? That’s not why you’re here.” Of course that’s why I’m here, he thought in a rush, why else would I be here, what other purpose could I have for coming here, to be with you… Oneshot, Obi-wan/OC, Rated T To be safe.


_This has been sitting on my old laptop for quite some time. I wrote it back when TNT (I think) was offering up Star Wars marathons. Kinda got into my head and all at once I was that ten year old again who watched AotC till she could recite every line. This however, is more of any excuse to write about Obi-wan being hot then anything else. Lame? Very. 'Suppose I never posted this because I do know what a crappy piece of shmuck it is. But what can I say. Re-reading it made me smile even through my ashamed feelings for having even written it. So, I thought maybe someone else might get some enjoyment out of it. Even though I feel like I'm polluting the world by letting it off my computer._

_Anyway, this is set in the middle of a story that floated into my head to entertain me while I babysat. Obi-wan being hot is an entertaining choice for a daydream, I can tell you. I probable won't ever write the rest of this down, so the back-story is basically Obi-wan and Anakin travel to some unnamed planet during a conflict and meet a female member of the governing body. She gets the hots for Obi-wan and he likewise. Yup, I know. I'm shockingly original._

**_Don't own anything but Jamanil. George Lucas owns Stars Wars, though I doubt he'd want to own this piece of shmuck I've written_.**

…

He was an impressive figure. Red light fell through the high, arched windows, casting his form into relief and shooting rays of bright light around the marble room. Hands clasped behind his back, booted feet shoulder-widths apart; he was relaxed, but distant. He stood at attention, the symbol of his order. His back was to her, that was symbolic of his order also. But the red light as it glittered on the flecks of gold in his hair seemed indicative of something more.

"You understand, Jamanil?" said Obi-wan.

His stance did not change. Without his dark over-robe she could see the broad form of his shoulders, fitting smoothly into the intricate folds of his tunic. Somehow he managed to hear the layers of laughter buried deep in her voice as she answered.

"Oh yes, I understand completely."

He glanced over his shoulder. If her concealed laugh hadn't given her away, now her smirk would. Her face, shadowed by the marble overhang behind her, was light with her mischievous smile. He cocked an eyebrow. "What's funny?"

"Oh, nothing." She didn't take her eyes off him, and her smirk twitched a little wider.

"Jamanil." His voice was firm, and agitated.

With a chuckle, her eyes rolled. "No games today, then?" she asked in an amused tone, "Fine. I find it a source of great amusement that you've come to explain _why_ you'll be taking leave."

He turned to her fully, frowning, and the red light backlit his sandy bearded face. " I wanted to make sure you understood why Anakin and I are leaving. Why should that amuse you?"

Her face burst as she let a short, merry laugh escape, the blue shadows dancing across her cheeks. Her eyes never left Obi-wan's frowning face.

"Why should that amuse me?" she said upon regaining control, " Obi-wan, why shouldn't I understand? What's there to understand? Being called to return to _Coruscant _doesn't surprise me. Why should it? I've expected it. You know that."

All at once her sweet laughter faded, leaving a soft, kind smile behind. "That's not why you're here."

Through his frown his eyes widened. His hands were tightly clasped behind his back as he turned quickly to the window again. Staring through the glass, his eyes roved the landscape, unable to focus on any of it. His mouth screwed up in agitation.

_Of course that's why I'm here, _he thought in a rush, _why else would I be here, what other purpose could I have for coming here, to be with you…_

None. There would not be a reason. There is no other reason. You don't know anything. You think you do but you're wrong. You don't understand any of this. It's not what you…

His thoughts froze as something behind him rustled. He felt her move forward. All his muscles were tense, his knuckles going white as he tightly held his hands together.

"I had no other reason for coming here." He said stiffly through thin lips.

There was a small pause, before she spoke quietly, her voice small and almost lost in the cavernous room.

"I love you."

If it was possible he became even stiffer, staring determinedly at one spot for as long as he could. It lasted for only a moment, and then he looked quickly over his shoulder, into her small, soft smile. She stood in the full light of the sinking sun, now, and it shone over her, her sparkling dress sending facets of light bounding across the shimmering marble floor. Her dark hair fell over her shoulder, alight with a lustrous sheen. In the failing light, her eyes glimmered of their own accord.

He turned away, back to the window. His hands clenched a little tighter, and he breathed deeply before he spoke, his tone causing the words to become larger as they bounced through the hard room.

"I trust you understand the Jedi oath I am sworn to, which I cannot go against. I had no intention of inspiring feelings in you, and I am sorry for whatever caused it. Needless to say, I had no intention in coming here but to explain the sudden way I must take your leave. I cannot now say that my absence will be a sorrow to me, for I hope you might be able to loose those unintended feelings with time and solitude. I do apologize for this inconvenience to yo-"

"I love you."

There was no hesitation now as he whipped around to look at her again. Her face was the same, but his had been twisted into a mask of anguish. Her smile only grew wider to see it.

"Jamanil, I-" his foot had moved to take a step toward her but instead he twisted into a bout of pacing. His eyes stayed on his feet, hands still clasped tightly behind his back. Her bright eyes followed him as back and forth he moved, her face still bared in that tender smile as his steps echoed around her. After a moment, his words came, slower and quieter now.

"I'm sorry. I have… I'm afraid I have behaved in a way that was most unfitting to my order. It was most unfair to you, to inspire in you feelings that…cannot be requited. It was unbearable cruel and…improper on my part. No apology I can make will be enough for the pain you will suffer, I know. I am deeply sorry for that, for causing you what I am sure will be grief of the kind you do not in anyway deserve-"

"I love you, Obi-wan Kenobi."

"Jamanil, please!" he turned to her in a rush, crossing the space between them in long strides, seizing her hand. He leaned toward her, his anguished face near to her contented one. Some of the anguish in his eyes was quickly replaced by a warning, as he breathed a heady scent in the small space between them, the skirts of her long, shimmering dress skimming over his feet. He could feel their soft caress even through the thick leather of his boots. She looked up at him, a knowing glitter in her eyes. Obi-wan gasped.

"Please," he breathed, almost not meeting her eye, "Please, Jamanil it's…it's not…possible…"

Her body was so close, the gentile perfume of her enveloping him, surrounding him and leaving him without escape. Her hand was there, in his own. The soft touch of her skin on his own was so horribly tantalizing. But… he had been the one to reach out, and take this soft, smooth, woman's hand.

She held his hand in both of her own, her gentile fingers moving over his skin. Her soft touch was…it was a woman's touch. As her fingers wound their way into his palm, she looked at him. Her façade broke, and he saw a deep longing in her face.

Soft and light, her finger sent tingling sensations over his skin as they touched. A strange, unknown rush suddenly coursed through him. Her touch was warm and he wanted it, he _wanted_…

"No-" and he wrenched himself from her and turned away, looking out of the now darkening window. His body trembled in addition to his gasping breaths. His hands slowly clasped behind his back again, as the flurry of sounds from his movement died away. In the dark glass the faint reflection of her face shone. Her eyes had grown wide. Obi-wan averted his eyes from it as, in a measured calm, he began to speak.

"No… it's not possible. It's not possible, Jamanil. I have chosen the Jedi path. I cannot forsake it. And you… you are young. You have a full life ahead. I could not bind you to me; you deserve more then the half-heart of a Jedi. You…you deserve more then a secret love."

"Obi-wan."

His breathing and shaking stilled to hear her speak. Still, her voice was quiet, and calm as ever.

"I love you."

"I cannot." He breathed, and he barely heard his own words.

He began to shake again. His breathing quickened once more. Quickly he began to pace, the room almost shaking with his hard steps. Her eyes followed him, the shimmer in them beginning to brim over. He hadn't paced the room five times before he flung himself around to look at her.

"I cannot!" he cried loudly.

"I love you, Obi-wan."

There was torture written in every line of his face. But as he looked into her wet eyes, something in his own broke.

And he ran to her, and took her face in his hands. Crushing his mouth onto hers, he kissed her heatedly. Her arms twisted about his neck, her fingers found his golden hair. Dizziness flooded his mind as her heady scent filled him. He caught her up in his arms, and time disappeared as he kissed her, her mouth soft and gentile beneath his. She was there, and she was all. A woman. Jamanil. And in that infinite moment, all that could be felt was bliss, and he tasted what he had never tasted before.

When Obi-wan moved his face away, time began again. He touched her cheek tenderly, looking into her eyes as the tears falling from his own covered his face.

"I love you. I cannot."

…

_Any input is always appreciated. Reviews are one of the main reasons I like writing fanfiction, so please, REVIEW!_


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